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Friday, May 25, 2007

Your Memorial Day Message from Christianist Central Command, Michigan Network.

Brother Theocrats of the Wolverine Cabal:

"Sleep dulls even the fangs of the cobra." Decode using the New King James Version, Pocket Edition, Book of Habakkuk, Chapter 2.

Stay on message this weekend, Brothers: emphasize opposition to the burka in discussions with the Secular Herd, but do NOT--NOTNOT--gaffe it up and admit that "it's only because we are jealous that the followers of Mahomet came up with it first." Got that, Brother Agent 841?

Speaking of the womenfolk:

Brother Agent 349: your helpmeet was observed shod in the kitchen whilst gravid. Correct this immediately.

Brother Agent 703: we have reports that your wife was seen reading alone during her "down time." I cannot emphasize enough that unsupervised reading invariably leads to voter registration. Address this immediately.

Other matters:

Brother Agent 182: Smoking cigars from Castro's godless hellhole is not the equivalent of "burning their crops." Cease and desist. Besides, the Dominican stuff is better.

Brother Agent 1025: Zefferelli's Jesus of Nazareth is acceptable viewing. Not "all Eye-talians are commie homos." Our latest research indicates that such individuals constitute a bare plurality.

Brother Agent 594: We still need clarification on how the whole "websurfing for pictures of Jessica Biel" project advances our goal of a Godly Theonomic State. We expect a report by the 30th.

Brothers, that is all for now. But I leave you with this good news: members of the Empire State Cabal have again successfully hidden Andrew Sullivan's car keys, ensuring yet another incoherent, self-contradictory rant which can only succeed in winning sympathy to our cause--oo-rah!

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