This. Is. My. Boomstick!

Some things just bring out my inner Ash:

Having large families should be frowned upon as an environmental misdemeanour in the same way as frequent long-haul flights, driving a 4x4 car and failing to reuse plastic bags, according to a report to be published tomorrow by a green think tank.

The paper by the Optimum Population Trust (OPT) will say that if couples had two children instead of three they could cut their family's carbon dioxide output by the equivalent of 620 return flights a year between London and New York.

John Guillebaud, co-chairman of OPT and emeritus professor of family planning at University College London, said: "The effect on the planet of having one child less is an order of magnitude greater than all these other things we might do, such as switching off lights. An extra child is the equivalent of a lot of flights across the planet. The greatest thing anyone in Britain could do to help the future of the planet would be to have one less child."

Of course, Mr. Guillebaud could cut 100% of his personal carbon dioxide output simply by dropping dead. But like a Palestinian imam who encourages suicide bombers, his moment of personal sacrifice never quite comes around.

[Above image used only because I couldn't find the immortal "I'll swallow your soul!/Come get some" battle scene.]