All together now...
Today is Heather's birthday. Offer your best wishes, as my child bride turns 29 today.
Again. [Dodging rotten fruit and cast iron kitchenware.] Actually, she's pretty up front about her age, when asked. But even pseudo-gentlemen like me never tell.
Haaaa-ppy Birthday to youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu....
In addition to the classic standard, I'll also be serenading her with my best Elvis impressions (think Vegas Elvis circa late 1976, not the '68 Comeback Special). Covers of "Burnin' Love" and "Heartbreak Hotel" to follow.
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Be reasonably civil. Ire alloyed with reason is fine. But slagging the host gets you the banhammer.