And in local news...

[With Editorial comment and synopsis, where necessary.]

(1) Subdivision association gets well-deserved bloody nose. A human toothache protested the Christmas display on his/her/its neighbors' lawn. Frosty and Santa were OK, but lose the Holy Family. Subdivision association sends letter ordering removal of Holy Family (Rudolph's kosher, though) and threatens fines for noncompliance. Family contacts Detroit News.

Detroit News runs cover story entitled "It's Away With The Manger." Furor erupts. Subdivision association sends regrets, fruit basket and full authorization of creche. Human toothache fumes over bowl of Grape Nuts and latest issue of Vanity Fair, and everyone else lives happily ever after. Editor develops glimmer of respect for the white-glove libertarian dishrag that is the News.

(2) That Document meets with mixed reception in Detroit. Seminary officials welcome it, Jesuit priest "comes out" in protest. Surprise vanishes upon discovering fact that Fr. O'Brien turns out to be an established Dignity supporter. Editor quaffs Pepto-Vicodin cocktail upon noting terms "transgender" and "transsexual" each appear twice in the priest's presser while scripture is not referenced at all.

(3) State mulls stupid plan to permit potentially toxic form of mining in the Upper Peninsula. Editor recalls that mining booms have not been good to the UP, long term. Blinky has yet to comment.

(4) Local suburb misplaces time capsule. Editor recommends intercession of St. Anthony.