I'd say "Break up the Tigers!", but given Dmitri Young's bum leg, I'll pass.

Detroit goes 4-0 for the first time since 1985. Last year, they didn't win their fourth game until May 4.

I can't describe to you how great it is to have a baseball team that's not a late-night joke. I know: it's early.

I'm going to enjoy it anyway.

I'd Hate to See What They Do to Santa at the Christmas Pageant.

Praise the Lord--embarrassing religious news not involving Catholics:

Pennsylvania Assemblies of God church brings us The Passion of the Bunny:

A church trying to teach about the crucifixion of Jesus performed an Easter show with actors whipping the Easter bunny and breaking eggs, upsetting several parents and young children.

People who attended Saturday's performance at Glassport's memorial stadium quoted performers as saying, "There is no Easter bunny," and described the show as being a demonstration of how Jesus was crucified.

* * *

Patty Bickerton, the youth minister at Glassport Assembly of God (search), said the performance wasn't meant to be offensive. Bickerton portrayed the Easter rabbit and said she tried to act with a tone of irreverence.

"The program was for all ages, not just the kids. We wanted to convey that Easter is not just about the Easter bunny, it is about Jesus Christ," Bickerton said.

Performers broke eggs meant for an Easter egg hunt and also portrayed a drunken man and a self-mutilating woman, said Jennifer Norelli-Burke, another parent who saw the show in Glassport, a community about 10 miles southeast of Pittsburgh.

Thurible Chronic.

Pot growing priest pleads guilty. Insert your own punchline.

"Duuuuude, I'm telling ya--that incense is giving me a serious case of the munchies..."

Kerry. Again.

Kerry's candidacy and faith keep intersecting. Count on it to continue through November. Yesterday's New York Times documents the latest example.

Mr. Kerry became combative when told that some conservatives were criticizing him for being a Roman Catholic who supported policies, like abortion rights and same-sex unions, that are at odds with Catholic teaching.

"Who are they?" he demanded of his questioner. "Name them. Are they the same legislators who vote for the death penalty, which is in contravention of Catholic teaching?"

He added: "I'm not a church spokesman. I'm a legislator running for president. My oath is to uphold the Constitution of the United States in my public life. My oath privately between me and God was defined in the Catholic church by Pius XXIII and Pope Paul VI in the Vatican II, which allows for freedom of conscience for Catholics with respect to these choices, and that is exactly where I am. And it is separate. Our constitution separates church and state, and they should be reminded of that."

Mr. Kerry apparently meant John XXIII, as there is no Pius XXIII.

Time to bust out the stick.

Mr. Kerry became combative when told that some conservatives were criticizing him for being a Roman Catholic who supported policies, like abortion rights and same-sex unions, that are at odds with Catholic teaching.

Well, you know, the truth hurts.

And, say what you will about the NYT, at least the editor let the acknowledgement that Kerry's out of step with the church slide through without any weasel qualifiers.

"Who are they?" he demanded of his questioner.

"I have a list...."

"Name them."

"...of 205 known critics of John Kerry's Catholicism inside the State Department."

Actually, the question simply mentioned "conservatives," not "legislators" per se. It might be a tad inconvenient to point out the distinction, but it's there, unfortunately. Which is especially important, given all that we all know about how badly the Senator handles inconveniences, too.

Anyway, here's a good place to start looking for critics.

Are they the same legislators who vote for the death penalty, which is in contravention of Catholic teaching?"

You mean, like, er--you?

Then again, the position on capital punishment is somewhat less ironclad than the stance on abortion. As you very well don't know. Compare the following paragraphs in the Catechism of the Catholic Church--2267 with 2270. Note the difference between "rare" and "absolutely."

What? Oh, it's that blue and white book in the Religion section at Borders. Costs eight bucks.

Says "Catechism."

"Of The Catholic Church."

No, it's not "near the tantric books." You're thinking of a Jesuit bookstore.

Go to the "Christianity" section. When you see Bibles, you're red hot.

Bibles. You know, Jewish and Christian scriptures, frequently bound in leather, gold print on the spines?

Yes, "those." Look, just call me when you see one.

He added: "I'm not a church spokesman.

True, but consider this, Senator--you have all the skills of another Dodgin' Tod Tamberg, right down to the ignorance of Catholic teaching and complaints about criticism.

The more I think about it, Senator, the more I believe you have a future in diocesan bureaucracy. You just need to apply yourself.

"I'm a legislator running for president. My oath is to uphold the Constitution of the United States in my public life."

Which would be wonderfully schizoid if you weren't so selective about what parts of your faith you leave at the church door on Sunday.

"My oath privately between me and God was defined in the Catholic church by Pius XXIII"

John Kerry, sedevacantist. And boy, are they burning up the anti-popes these days, or what? Last I'd heard, they were only up to Pius XIII, way out in his lodge in Unabomber country. I really must keep up.

"and Pope Paul VI in the Vatican II, which allows for freedom of conscience for Catholics with respect to these choices, and that is exactly where I am."

Yes, the ol' conscience dodge, easily parried by pointing out that it has to be a formed conscience. I mean, the law had a problem with noted gourmand and man-about-town Jeffrey Dahmer following his conscience.

Such as it was.

More significantly, this is a significant "development" in Kerry's Catholicism that no one else seems to have noticed. Previously, he said he was "personally opposed, but...", a/k/a the "Granholm Manuever." Now he's claiming his conscience lets him stand in opposition to the Church. Very interesting....

Senator, no one's asking you to establish a Catholic theocracy with yourself as the most Thurston Howellish-Torquemada in history, so stop trying to hunt with the dog named Wall. Nope. We'd just like an explanation of why you let some Catholic beliefs inform your public stances and not others. For instance, how do you reconcile your faith with a refusal to protect those unborn children the mothers want to keep, for starters?

[Thanks to Otto for the Chicago Tribune link.]

"Is it a boy or a girl?"

Yes.

The tentative ultrasound result (couch in terms of "I think...looks like," etc.) said boy.

The heart rate (which was consistently accurate for the first two) says girl.

My gut instinct--right for Maddie, wrong for D3--also says girl.

Place your bets here!

We feel happy! We feel happy!

Contrary to a certain semi-official chronicler, our joint blog has not fallen asleep. We've tried to post there recently, and it appears that technical difficulties are thwarting us. We'll be putting together a new blogsite by the weekend, and rolling out updates on a weekly basis.

After all, we're going house-hunting (be vewy, vewy quiet) this summer. The possibilities for hilarity are nearly endless.

Time to wake up!'

The 80 game process by which the National Hockey League weeds out approximately half its teams is now officially over.

In the first round, our men in red face off against the team from that hockey hotbed of...Nashville.

Remembered mostly for being the capital of country music and the site of the greatest rout in the War for the Union, the fact Nashville has a franchise in the NHL is the source of much wailing and gnashing of teeth in such places as Winnipeg and Hamilton.

Prediction: Nashville's a speedy team, but small. The grinding NHL game slows down even more in the playoffs, as the referees inexplicably misplace their whistles. Wings in six.

For my part, I'll be spending more time than usual watching the Eastern Conference matchups--Boston-Montreal, Toronto-Ottawa, Philadelphia-NJ. Potential classics aplenty.

The Tigers are above .500!

For the first time since April 2001.

No, really.

Tells you how bad things are in these parts.

The lads did it in fine fashion to boot, smoking the Jays and their Cy Young winner, 7 to naught. Pudge even got a dinger.

Something tells me it isn't going to get a whole lot better than this. Consider this fact: if the Tigers win 70 games (27 more than last year), they will own the record for the best single-season improvement in the history of MLB.

Tom Fitzpatrick continues his yeoman's work on behalf of the American Society for the Promotion of Angioplasty.

More recipes--soup to nuts, literally.

Also, Easter egging and periodic meditations about the BoSox. Is he on your daily visit list yet?

Motorcycling Through Hell.

The daughter of a Ukrainian physicist makes periodic tours through the Chernobyl dead zone. This time, she took pictures.

You won't be able to look away. The pictures of the abandoned city of Pripyat, with the laundry still hanging from balconies and the mail untouched in boxes will chill and haunt you. Note the abandoned fire trucks near the plant.

They responded first to the disaster. That firemen are heedless of their own safety is a fact that crosses cultural lines.

Among other chilling facts: the Chernobyl plant is still operational, although the concrete "sarcophagus" containing the leak is crumbling badly.

[Thanks to Dom for the link.]

Between the Old Paganism and the New, I'll Take the Old.

[Language Alert--one bad word deployed below. You've been warned.]

Old Paganism was free of cant.

Permit me to borrow Peter Kreeft's definitions, and note that I'm not referring to Wicca, etc.--actual religious paganism. The latter more closely resembles Old Paganism, which, as Kreeft notes, had a lot worth acknowledging. I know some doggedly pro-life Wiccans, for starters.

No, the New Paganism acknowledges nothing but man, and nothing beyond him. However, it shares one vital tenet with the Old: If society says you do not count, you do not count.

Consider this letter from a Roman pagan named Hilarion to his pregnant wife, Alis, in the year 1 B.C.:

Know that I am still in Alexandria. And do not worry if they all come back and I remain in Alexandria. I ask and beg you to take good care of our baby son, and as soon as I receive payment I shall send it up to you. If you are delivered of a child [before I come home], if it is a boy keep it, if a girl discard it. You have sent me word, "Don't forget me." How can I forget you? I beg you not to worry.

Quoted in Rodney Stark's The Rise of Christianity (Princeton University Press 1996), pp. 97-98. Ponder the chilling third sentence, blunt as it is, nestled in the midst of obvious loving concern for wife and son. Hilarion was a Roman paterfamilias, the father as head--more accurately, god--of the family, legally able to do with the other members as he wished. Alis' feelings on the matter meaning precisely bupkis. If you ever wonder at the common phenomenon of convinced pagan men marrying Christian women in Roman times, wonder no longer: pagan girls were in short supply.

As horrific as Hilarion's words are, at least he does not try to hide behind a cloud of euphemism or evasion to deny the obvious. If the little woman has a girl--sorry, don't want one. She has to die. Hilarion doesn't try to justify himself with a clump of buzzwords or feigned bafflement.

Compare Hilarion to Dr. Leroy Carhart:

This [partial birth abortion ban] act covers every D[ilation] & E[xtraction] that I did," Carhart said. "Everything that I do to cause an abortion is an overt act."

Carhart said at least once a month, an entire fetus is expelled from the mother during a D&E he is performing. "The fetuses are alive at the time of delivery," he said. There is a heartbeat "very frequently."

I urge you to peruse the D&E link first. Don't be afraid, it's just Anthony Kennedy's dissenting Supreme Court opinion in Carhart's challenge to the Nebraska partial birth abortion ban, and explains the good doctor's credentials (he has no hospital privileges anywhere in the U.S.) and trade (abortions done any time during the pregnancy). I'll wait here while you do. Take your time.






















All done? Good. Now, normally, you might think that if you dismember a living baby after it becomes entirely free from the woman's body, you'd get the gas pipe. So would Dr. Carhart, if he grabbed a baby out of a stroller on the streets of Omaha and did so, even with Mom's consent.

But inside his clinic, anything goes, because he throws up chaff like "choice," "health," "procedure," "D&E," and--most importantly, "fetus." We can almost admire Hilarion--he was ordering his wife to kill a "girl," not a "fetus." No euphemistic bullshit there. Hell, Hil probably would have vomited at what Carhart does--all he was asking Alis to do was expose his daughter to the elements, not shred her.

[FYI Fun Fact! As between Dr. Carhart and the "fetus'" father, Dr. Carhart is the only one with legal standing to say anything about the process.]

Next, consider Dr. Maureen Paul, another licensed caregiver:

In San Francisco, a chief medical officer for Planned Parenthood testified that she chooses methods of abortion that violate the new law because they are among the safest options.

Asked by a government lawyer whether the fetus exhibits pain during the procedures, Maureen Paul replied, "I have no idea what you mean."

Sure. And I have no idea why Mr. Hand is turning into Mr. Fist. Again, Hilarion didn't try the mushroom treatment with Alis. "She won't feel a thing, honey--she's a newborn. It's like going to sleep." Nope, none of that twaddle.

"Discard it."

Then again, the above examples demonstrate how the New Paganism is smarter than the Old. The Old approach really wouldn't work with our squeamish society. At least not yet. Euphemistic dodges help people rationalize the unthinkable, and even perform it. Under the Old, Alis had to acquiese in her husband's decision to destroy her child. However, the New has convinced Alis that she has an unfettered "right" to do so, and what's more, she can pay Drs. Carhart and Moss a few grand for the privilege of playing the discard.

All she has to do is march every January in the anniversary celebration of that "right" and vote to protect the medical paterfamilias who want to flush her daughter as they see fit.

Brilliant!