The definition of "irony."

That would be "an attorney having a slip and fall injury."

I planted my left knee quite nicely into some frozen Detroit asphalt after slipping on the only frozen surface in the entire parking lot. 2007 just keeps looking up.

Heather had enough of my wincing and sent me packing to the emergency room. X-rays negative, just a "deep bruise."

I'll be in the bunker with the ice pack, canned goods, Kevlar and Vicodin if anyone needs me.