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Monday, November 18, 2002

I have three theories regarding "deer."

1. They are mythological creatures, akin to griffons and sphinxes. They do not really exist, and therefore cannot be the targets of a successful hunt. Alas, this theory is subject to refutation on three grounds. One, the large number of vehicles sporting what appeared to be "deer" carcasses as I drove down I-75 yesterday. However, this could be explained by the fact that I was driving on minimal sleep and suffering from extreme "buck fever." The second argument is stronger: my father bagged a "deer" Friday afternoon. However, this is not conclusive, as the size of the creature in question prompted speculation that it might actually be a hitherto unknown breed of collie instead. Third, my brother claimed to have identified and shot at a "deer" late Saturday afternoon. Unfortunately, he missed. More on that later.

2. "Deer" exist, but unaccountably go extinct in every place I go hunting.

3. "Deer" exist, and are not "extinct" in my hunting grounds, but are actually more technologically advanced than mankind, having developed what are commonly referred to as "cloaking devices." These cloaking devices allow them to roam about at will, undetected and undetectable by hapless hunters equipped only with 4x40 scopes.

After careful consideration, I'm leaning toward number three.

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