O tempora! O mores!

One in four teenage girls in the U.S. has a sexually-transmitted disease.

Which can only mean one thing, of course--WE ARE A NATION OF UPTIGHT SEX-FEARING PRUDES WHO MUST EMBRACE THE LATEX:

Those numbers are certainly alarming," said sex education expert Nora Gelperin, who works with a teen-written Web site called sexetc.org. She said they reflect "the sad state of sex education in our country."

The teen staffers at sexetc.org don't seem to be innocents abroad.

Nor, can I imagine, are most teens really confused about the mechanics, risks and consequences. What they lack in too many situations are adults capable of standing up to the zeitgeist.

"Sexuality is still a very taboo subject in our society," she said. "Teens tell us that they can't make decisions in the dark and that adults aren't properly preparing them to make responsible decisions."

Because if you can't accept the testimony of an immature hormonal teenager as infallible, the theocrats will have won. Then again, maybe there's something to this. Perhaps this is a slight ray of hope--they want some encouragement to swim against the tide, not meekly go along with it. In an otherwise grim story, it's something.

"Sexuality is still a very taboo subject in our society." Of course.

When, when WHEN, dear sweet Priapus, we waken from our Osama bin Cleaver nightmare?!

When will women be permitted to show a little ankle from underneath their shapeless jumpers without being beaten by the security goons from CBN?

When will we be permitted to think of the breast as titillating instead of something a slobbering infant gloms on to for nourishment?

When will Kim Kardashian be allowed to appear in public again?

When will we stop beheading Playboy vendors?

When will we take the genital cuffs off teenage boys and chastity belts off teenage girls?

When will Larry Flynt be permitted to return from exile in France?

"Sexuality is still a very taboo subject in our society." Preach it, sister: Truer words will never be spoken.

Cecile Richards, president of Planned Parenthood Federation of America, said the study shows that "the national policy of promoting abstinence-only programs is a $1.5 billion failure, and teenage girls are paying the real price."

IT'S CHIMPY McBU(ll)SHITLERBURTON'S ROVIAN PLOT TO SUPPRESS NEWS ABOUT THE INVENTION OF THE CONDOM!

I mean, horny immature teenage (but I repeat myself) boys would have no other reason to avoid condom use save sheer ignorance of the very idea.

If only they knew it existed...