Announcement: We have received approval to start a new K-8 charter school.

It's called the King Louis IX Academy. As a charter school, it is a public, taxpayer-funded school, so that means must not be beholden to any creed. However, it is permitted to promote values and culture.

The King Louis IX Academy recognizes and appreciates the traditions, histories, civilizations and accomplishments of the western world (Europe, the Americas, Australasia).

Now, don't let the fact that two Catholic deacons will be running the school concern you. This will be a taxpayer-funded operation. No proselytizing will be permitted.

Nor should you have any Establishment clause concerns about our central "Spiritual Reflection Area." Yes, it's shaped like a chapel and has a crucifix and high altar, but those are just the unavoidable result of architectural convenience. The mantillas worn by our female students in the chapel will be strictly voluntary.

And while our cafeteria will strictly adhere to old-school Catholic fasting and abstinence requirements, we remain a public school. If your child wants to bring a cheesesteak on Fridays, be our guest.

The daily Rosary that will be prayed by all of our students will also be voluntary.

Oh, and the fact that the school is part of a complex containing a Catholic church is of no consequence whatsoever. It was the best we could do in these difficult economic times.

Finally, the fact each and every one of our students will proceed to confirmation classes immediately following dismissal--and in the same classrooms--should be of no concern. We understand the importance of the absolute separation of church and state. Why, we know--it's right there in the Bill of Rights.

Rest assured, sir and madam: the King Louis IX Academy will offer the best non-sectarian public education your tax dollars can provide.