Adventures In Home Ownership, Chapter MMMCXIX.

On Wednesday, I went to Home Depot and ordered up a new hot water heater.

On Thursday, the installer arrived, inspected our current set up, and visibly blanched. "Your current set up is dangerous, and I'd have to do another $1000 to get it up to code."

No problemo! Would you like that in nickels?

Another gift that keeps on giving from the miraculously-sentient pile of rectal scrapings that sold us our house, of course.

In fact, there's no good way to install another gas burning heater in our current location--we have to have an electric heater installed.

Which, of course, will require an electrician to drop by to string the 220 cable to our current breaker box.

After an extensive, but ultimately futile search in the yellow pages for a category called "Mob Hits", I made arrangements with an electrician.

Can do, for $350.

Fine--the kids are finicky eaters, anyway--cutting out that third daily meal will be a snap.

Gotta do what you gotta do.

I go to the Despot and order an electric heater--the installer who had been out earlier made a recommendation for a short one, as the service counter staffer informed me (Electrics tend to be shorter--gas ones are the tall boys). Hey, good news--it's on clearance, too!

Great!

Fast forward to 11am Friday. No call yet from the heater installation folks. After finally getting a valid number to contact them [are those fumes?], I am informed that there's a problem.

Installer: "Why'd you get the short one--it's too small for the space."

Me: [Feeling the slow, but distinctive stirrings of beserkergang]: "'I' didn't get the short one--that was the recommendation by your guy yesterday, after viewing the space in question."

Installer: "Well, that's not going to work. I'll look for another one. Anyway, since you still got hot water, it's not going to get done before Monday."

Erik Bloodaxe: "I got a leak that's getting worse by the hour--we're talking wringing out towels here. This is been going on for I don't know how long. I need it done today."

[Unmistakeable sound of double-bladed axe embedding in desk.]

Installer: "Um, okay--I'll get back to you soon as I can."

Idle time passes.

Heather calls: "The lady from Home Depot called [note the installer's deft buck passing]. They can't get a suitable tank for two weeks.

Me: "... . Okay. I'll call to cancel. I'll figure out something."

After calling the Despot, I call Dad and Mom, telling them that we aren't going to be able to make it up this weekend. I explain the hot water heater problem.

Dad: "I have a brand new 30 gallon down at the old cabin."

Me: "!"

I give him the dimensions, and he calls back.

It'll fit.

Mom and Dad: "We'll bring it down tonight."

Me: "[Awed and humbled.]"

Now we just need an installer.