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Monday, February 25, 2008

My Larry King-Style Column.

Drama, the human struggle, the performances--when is Ninja Warrior going to get an Emmy nod?

You damn kids get off my lawn!

Oh, I'm in my office. Never mind.

Harvey Fierstein as Wolverine--think about it.

Manga novels? Holy crap, son--might as well tattoo "Girls Have Cooties" on your forehead.

Harry Harrison hasn't written anything worthwhile since The Stainless Steel Rat.

Austrians: Yea or Nay?

I think we should just use the diapers to wipe up spills. Extra absorbent, people.

When is Michael Wincott finally going to get a romantic lead role?

Mmmm, Funions.

For historical accuracy, you just can't beat Mel Gibson's British-themed films.

I just don't get Eskimo cuisine.

Want a more polite internet? Bring back dueling!

Oscars, no. Oscar Meyer, yes!

Sexiest Head of State? Queen Beatrix, hands down. Rowr!

What have they been putting into Schlitz Bull Ice lately? Nobody needs to pee that much.

Vienna Fingers and microwaved peanut butter--a little bit of heaven.

This Brock O'Bama guy sounds really interesting. He'll probably drink a lot of green beer on St. Pat's.

Speaking of the Irish--what's up with the potatoes?

Time for more Theraflu? OK.

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