Which is pretty much what you can take away from this splenetic offering.
Hey, honey--your brother giving you away wasn't a sign of your desire to have your late father represented at the wedding, symbolic of his blessing on the marriage. You and your sense of entitlement.
No, ma'am. It really meant that you were your family's chattel, being disposed of appropriately in the time-immemorial American tradition of barter and dowry.
With that in mind: where the hell are my goats? With interest, I think dear brother in law owes me five.
Oh, and don't get started on our unity candle and the flowers to the Blessed Mother.
Never mind that these are considered permissible at the parish level, even if not strictly speaking necessary or encouraged.
Nope--we were eroding Catholic culture prostrating ourselves before the sentimentalist cult of Me.