Jeff Miller reveals his secret at last!

Regular doses of "Liturgical Dismal" and "Alka-Psalter."

Sounds good.

Does it come in a warehouse pack?

Coals to Newcastle...

...whores to Paris.

As she thanked the French for opposing conflict in Iraq, she told fans: "Here in France I feel at home."

Well, duh. A preening, ambitious, self-promoting, mediocre ex-Catholic libertine wouldn't feel anything but at home in 21st Century France.

At least until sharia kicks in.

[The title is courtesy of HM George V.]

Litur-goofy in L.A.

Evidently, Pepto Bismol comes in Industrial Strength. That's the only explanation for Jeff Miller's astonishing intestinal fortitude as he worked his way through the photographs and program for this year's Religious Education Conference sponsored by the Archdiocese of Los Angeles.

Oy. Take a look.

If you dare.

"Numbered among the enemies general of mankind, to be dealt with as wolves are..."

It's a standard picture in America: the family Christmas photo. Millions are snapped every year, scanned, photoshopped, emailed, inserted into Christmas cards, framed or inserted between mylar sheets in treasured photo albums.

When you have a young child, it's a little different. All right, a lot different. As a parent, you are obligated to have no less than fifteen snaps with the child(ren), making sure you get the right combination of well-dressed offspring, lighting, angle and 2-D background. By the end of the shoot, the overworked My Photographer/Sears/Penney's cameraman has delved deep into his bag of child smile-making tricks, is gyrating with props and making noises in what looks for all the world like a full-bore meltdown. But it works, and you invariably get at least two or three shots you treasure forever.

That's probably why one family Christmas photograph in particular haunts me. It will until I die. After that, God grant that every tear be wiped from my eyes.

This is the picture. If you have never seen it, the photo is of Pete, Sue Kim, and little Christine Hanson. In the photo, I can see the photographer waving the pastel teddy bear in the background ("Hey there hey there-smile!"), feel Dad's wearied but doting patience ("How many shots does this guy need?"), understand Mom's serenity ("These are going to be good!"), and, of course, share the little girl's delight ("Again!"). Every father and mother has been there--has seen and heard little Christine's laughing smile.

Here is the family's website. I "met" the Hansons via James Lileks' powerful essay, where he revealed that the entire family was murdered by bin Laden's scum on their way to Disneyland. Murdered so that some evil bastard and his equally evil followers could pursue their dream of tyranny.

On Monday, Lileks wrote about Pete, Sue Kim and Christine Hanson again in his Bleat. He had to introduce a symphony dedicated to two and a half year old Christine. It is what he does not say that packs the hardest punch. He also never actually tells you what he said. He doesn't have to:

My job today was to introduce this piece of music.

Dedicate it to Christine.

Dedicate the performance to her grandparents, who were in the audience.

Then introduce the Resurrection symphony.

You get handed these duties, these moments of honor that tremble in your hands like a soap bubble, and it’s your role to show it to everyone else, to keep your hands steady, to make sure it doesn’t shudder and vanish before its time. I went on stage, said what I had to say, didn’t lose it, then sat in a corner and listened to the piece. The composer used the Barney music, which Christine loved, which Gnat sings distractedly some days.

The Barney theme. Until Monday, I had nothing but a tooth-grinding disdain for the cloying dinosaur. More often than not, I referred to him and the related marketing empire as "the Purple Satan." You say things like that when you spend six bucks on Barney toothbrushes (my daughter dropped the first into one of the cat boxes). However, you keep buying them because you see eyes light up in wonder, and a happy little voice that says "Bah-ee!" in response to the image of some guy cavorting about in a padded lizard suit. But I think I just retired my Barneyphobia:

He'd [the composer] learned that Christine's favorite tune was the "Barney and Friends" song. So to start, he took the descending minor third from the opening of the TV show's theme song, "This Old Man," and gave it to a lonely harp, expanding it to sound a lot more like late Romanticism than TV kitsch.

He went on to incorporate the strong, hopeful sound of woodwind choirs, soaring violin lines doubled by flutes, and the solemn trumpet calls and soft, intermittent snare-drum rolls of a proud nation hobbled by grief. In closing, chimes symbolize the wind in which Christine had been traveling when she died, Schroeder said.

A young family, snuffed out on a trip to see "Mih-ee" and the rest of the Disney crew. Butchered on the way to see other people in smiling animal suits bounding about. Terrorized, then incinerated, for the greater glory of jihad.

Some sniff disdainfully when the President makes a reference to those members of Al Qaeda dispatched to the hereafter via bullets, bombs and missiles. My response? Damn straight! I hope the armed forces are sending more fanatics on their last raisin run as we speak. I hope the dwindling number of survivors are sleeping lightly, waking frequently at the sound of planes and helicopters overhead. Or waking frequently because it's too quiet. Or whispering anxiously amongst themselves about the last major sweep that nabbed their comrades or foiled yet another murderous plot.

The next time some clown carps about Guantanamo, I'll remember that the Hansons weren't offered the chance to live, given studiously correct meals, medical care and access to a minister. They were killed. Gleefully. Just like they would gleefully kill me and mine without the slightest compunction.

Lileks again:

Many of us have a small burned corner of our hearts where it’s always 9/11; it’s where we keep the stories forged in that foundry of evil and pain.

Well said. That's the part of me that remembers my fireman father running into burning buildings. The part of me that watches low-flying planes much longer than I used to. The part of me that wonders about working in one of Detroit's taller and more internationally relevant buildings, twenty miles from Metropolitan Airport. The part of me that refuses to meet my family at work.

There are indications that Al Qaeda is fatally crippled.

I disagree. Well begun, half done, not over yet.

The war will be over when the next fanatic who suggests a plan to massacre the next Hanson family is immediately riddled with gunfire by his shocked compatriots, stunned that any idiot would propose such a thing.

[Lileks symphony link via Christopher Johnson.]

You know, that is weird.

It could be a case of hogging the remote control, so to speak.

Just Your Average Weekend for a Pius XII, Captain Renault, Minotaur-Slayer, Jimmy Stewart, Cheshire Cat, One-Handed Norse Justice God Kind of Guy.

Um, a weekend involving turkey basters full of Haldol?

Nah.

Quiet.

Suburban.

Chore-filled (At least it's been sunny).

And also spent watching the Pistons, who managed to redeem themselves and the piteous Detroit sports scene this afternoon.

Heh.


You are The Cheshire Cat


A huge grin constantly plastered upon your face,
you never cease to amuse. You are completely
confusing and contradictory to most everyone.


What Alice in Wonderland Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Thanks to Shawn for the Quizilla barrage.

Next Stop: Ragnarok.


Tyr (or Tiw, Ziw) is the ancient god of War and the
Lawgiver of the gods. He sacrifices his hand so
that the evil Fenris wolf may be bound. At one
time he was the leader of the Norse Pantheon,
but was supplanted by Odin much later. There is
nothing to indicate how this occurred; one
assumes that he simply "stepped back"
and let Odin assume the position of leadership.
Tyr is excellent in all manners of Justice,
fair play, and Right Action.


What Norse God Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

On a related note, here's a fairly interesting (if often drenched in Educationese) long essay about the popularity of Marvel Comics' Thor character.

This sounds about right.


you are 'it's a wonderful life'!


which old movie do you belong in?
brought to you by Quizilla

More Quizilla.


You are Theseus! You have been credited with
inventing democracy...and wrestling. You were
at least somewhat responsible for the deaths of
your father and son, but you've also had some
great adventures. You're very well-rounded--
smart and strong--and always have a plan to
defeat whatever monster you're up against. To
read more about yourself, check out Mary
Renault's "The King Must Die" and
"The Bull from the Sea", Plutarch's
biography, and Ovid's Metamorphoses.


Which Greek Mythological Hero Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Shocked--shocked!--that I came out as this guy.


You are Captain Renault. "How extravagant of
you, throwing away women like that. Someday
they may be scarce."


Which Casablanca character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

My favorite character in the film, hands down.